من! یک سوسک گواتمالایی راه راه : نیلوبلاگ

Remember the change i talked about two posts down? It happend.

And as i expected...i miss my boring routine.

Well...i still have my routine but with a pinch of constant stress and a hint of depression and a spoonful of anger.

My boring routine is the same but its not. Its not cozy anymore it just feels like a sad attempt to try salvage what remains of my former and less stressed self.

There's this thing i do , i always have a series or a movie on. It started as a harmless way of helping my English but it tued into a toxic tool to shut out the tiny but very real voices in my head. A tool to stop the ovethinking.

Its been 68 days now.

I haven't tued it off for 68 days.

Its still playing in the background.

I cant trust my brain anymore.

What if i pause the movie and i overthink?

What if after i overthink i fall deeper into the depression i tried my hardest to get out of for years?

What if i end up regretting the decisions i made along the way?

Oh fuck. Im overthing already aren't I?...OH FUCK